


In The Morning

by Roseas_Alorei



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comfort, Good Lord, Humanstuck, John is a great boyfriend, Karkat Needs a Hug, M/M, Mild Profanity, Nightmares, Past Character Death, i don't really wanna spoil what this fic is about, i never really specified that but it's probably humanstuck, if there's something else you think i should tag let me know!, probably, read to find out what the fuck is going on lmao, someone give this cinnamon roll a hug, super mild when you keep in mind that this fic features karkat fucking vantas, this got darker than i planned oops, what else do i need to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:47:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6114121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roseas_Alorei/pseuds/Roseas_Alorei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In the morning he'll be sorry again that he couldn't fall asleep tonight. And John will say it's okay. He will also say that everything will be okay.</p><p>And it will."</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Morning

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=theAB16dJLA) because I love it a lot and I really needed to write something again. It's very short and sloppy because I wrote this all in one sitting but I hope you will enjoy it anyway.

"I'm so sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For keeping you awake almost every night."

"Karkat, it's ok. You know I just worry about you."

"It's just," Karkat begins, swallows the piece of omelette he was eating, and continues, "I feel like a burden. What kind of a person wakes his boyfriend up at ungodly hours with his nonsense? I wish I could just sleep. I wish I could let _you_ sleep. In peace."

Karkat starts ranting about all the things he hates about his nightly routines, and his speech gets choppier and faster the more he starts explaining his feelings in detail. John knows he's panicking.

"Karkat. _Karkat._ Listen. Karkat, hey, _listen,_ " John interrupts. "It's fine. You're not a burden. You don't bother me," he says while giving Karkat a patient smile, and continues, "I know you're having a hard time. You're not doing it on purpose. And you're getting better! Remember what it used to be like a few years ago? You always got only a few hours of sleep and woke up constantly, not to mention that your dark circles put vampires to shame. Now, you sleep through nearly the entire night once you fall asleep! I'm really proud of you!"

Karkat cracks John a small lopsided grin. "Yeah, my eyebags were to die for," he jokes while rolling his eyes.

"Hey, what do you say we just stay inside all day and watch rom-coms?" John offers.

"I don't know," Karkat sighs. "We really need to go get groceries soon, since we're running out on juice and bread. _Plus,_ didn't Dave want to hang out with you today? Something about him wanting you to go jeans shopping with him? And didn't you hate rom-coms?"

John chuckles. "Man, Dave's got a bunch of skinny jeans, it's not like he needs any more. Besides, I think it'd mostly be him posing in different pants while asking me how he looks in them or if is ass looks fat, while I get bored out of my damn mind as I've already got all the jeans I wanted to buy _hours_ ago," he says. "I can easily just tell him 'hey man I'm not really feeling it today, maybe some other time?' And I don't _hate_ rom-coms. It's just not my favorite genre out there, but of course I can watch them with you. You watch my crappy movies all the time, even if you do complain a lot."

Karkat laughs at that. "Yeah, well, you fall asleep when we watch _my_ movies," he retorts. He looks thoughtful for a moment, and then concludes, "But you know what? Not dealing with the outside world for the entire day sounds really nice."

* * *

"Well, here we fucking go," Karkat grunts. He is lying on their shared bed and waits patiently as John shuffles his pajama pants on.

The day went pretty fast, and now it is night-time, a.k.a. Karkat's Least Favorite Time of Day.

"Hey, don't be so grim," John says. "Maybe tonight will be better."

"I doubt it," Karkat declares. He doesn't even mention to John how dread is already prickling at his skin, or how much he agonizes what he knows is soon to come. He doesn't feel the need to. It is almost second nature by now. He wishes he could be as optimistic as his boyfriend, but he knows it's no use.

Karkat watches as John closes the door and switches off the lights, soon going to the window and shutting the blinds. Karkat doesn't even need to remind him to do that anymore. He appreciates it way more than he ever mentions. Heck, he appreciates _everything_ John does for him way more than he ever mentions. He just hopes John knows he is grateful for his everlasting patience with him.

John lies down to the bed next to Karkat, who already has his arms wrapped around the taller boy.

It isn't long until John is already fast asleep. Karkat watches his chest rise and fall repeatedly, dreading that his breath would suddenly come to a stop.

The room is pitch black and the shadows loom over and distort every object in the room. Karkat feels as if the walls are closing in on him, and he finds it hard to breathe. His heart is pounding so fast, so hard. It's like it would jump out of his chest any second. He reflexively glances at the window, even though he knows nothing's there, and even if there were, he wouldn't see it because of the blinds. Karkat tries to calm down by listening to the slight rain that pitter-patters on the roof, with minimal success.

The silence doesn't help.

Wait, did he just hear footsteps? Is John's piano playing? Who'd be playing it? John's right here, and there's no one else in the apartment. None of their neighbours own a piano, either. Karkat doesn't know if he's hearing things. Oh no. _Oh no._

"John for the love of all that is holy please wake up wake up _oh god,_ " Karkat whispers anxiously, while jostling John awake.

"I'm awake, I'm awake!" John exclaims groggily. "What's wrong, buddy?"

"I heard the piano play how is that even possible there's supposed to be no one playing it," Karkat babbles and his words are a jumbled mess because he doesn't take pauses to breathe and it all comes out at once.

It takes John a minute to comprehend what Karkat told him, and then he listens in silence. Karkat doesn't even need to ask him if he hears it; it's obvious that Karkat just couldn't differentiate reality from his paranoia and John can only hear the rain that's pouring outside. Still, John says, "I don't think I hear anything. I'll check it out for you."

He leaves.

He returns.

"Nope, there was nothing unusual. No need to worry, bud," John affirms.

Karkat sighs in relief. "I'm sorry," he murmurs.

"It's okay," John assures, kissing his forehead as he sits down next to him. "How about we go back to sleep, huh?"

"Okay," Karkat mumbles. He gives John a peck on the lips and lies down, his boyfriend doing the same. This time John wraps himself around Karkat first, and the smaller boy relishes in his warmth and the safety of his embrace.

Karkat buries his face to John's chest, and the intimacy lulls him to sleep.

* * *

Aside from the heightened anxiety Karkat has during night-time, the reason why he doesn't like sleeping is because his dreams have a fun way of reminding him of his past mistakes, failures and other pleasant events. Goddamn Past Karkat being all stupid and shit.

There is also another thing. It keeps giving him nighmares of a past event.

_"Nepeta is dead," a gravelly voice says. Karkat doesn't need to turn around to see who it is. Something sharp presses onto his back. "You're next."_

_The scene changes. The owner of the voice is being dragged into a police car. Karkat can see nothing from his face but his scars and his eyes, which he'd like to forget more than anything._

_"You're going to regret this. I'll come back. And when I do... YOU'LL JOIN THEM. AND SO WILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE," He shouts as he is being pushed into the car. "YOU'LL SEE!"_

_Suddenly it's dark. Karkat can't hear nothing but honking horns and laughter, silent at first but rapidly growing in volume._

_"You're next."_

_"You're next."_

_"I'll find you,"_

_"You can't hide from me."_

_"Best friend."_

It's almost a miracle Karkat doesn't scream as he jumps awake with cold sweat. Fucking great. That dream again. How is he not surprised. He glances at John's alarm clock, and it's only 3 AM. He tries to calm himself by steadying his breathing.

Breathe out slow. Breathe out slow.

John seemed to sense that Karkat woke up, as he soon hears him say, "That dream again?"

"Yeah," Karkat replies. He can't muster enough energy to say anything else.

John sits up and hugs him from behind. "I'm sorry dude. Want me to make some hot cocoa?"

Karkat just hums in reply, and John is soon on his feet. They both make their way to the kitchen.

John's hot chocolate is the best. There is no arguing about it. John's hot chocolate is absolutely divine when it has whipped cream and marshmallows, but since they don't have either at hand, it is just regular hot chocolate, which has the status of _fucking delicious_ in Karkat's book.

"Do you want to talk about it?" John asks quietly.

Karkat shakes his head. "Same old. Nothing you don't already know."

"You don't need to be afraid, you know."

Karkat looks up from his cup straight into John's eyes questioningly. "What do you mean?"

"About it happening," John answers. "There's no way he'll know where you live nowadays. You're in a different state now, and not very close either. Not to mention he'll be in jail for a long time."

"I know that. It's my fucking brain you need to tell that shit to," Karkat grumbles. "Somehow it can't grasp the freaking idea that fearing for my life is illogical in this situation. When he went to jail I didn't stick around very long and it's not like he can find out _where_ I went, whenever he finally comes to get me."

Karkat can't help but start thinking back. He had just graduated college when his sister was murdered, and he found out the murderer was none other than his best friend. Karkat never understood why. Gamzee had no motive, no benefit from killing her. Sure, he always had a few screws loose but...

Gamzee had played it so cool after the murder. He still acted like himself, but Karkat had immediately sensed something was different that day when they were hanging out. Then he found that one piece of evidence and well... Gamzee didn't take it very well when he called the police.

Gamzee swore that he was going to get revenge on Karkat. He swore he was going to kill everyone he loved, all because he "betrayed" him. Soon after Gamzee's arrest, Karkat had decided to move away from the state, and that is how he started sharing a house with John. The two had also moved a few times between that time and the present.

Karkat didn't regret anything. Even if it hurt and even if he fears for his life every day, he won't ever regret having Gamzee arrested. The fucker killed Nepeta, his sister, who had never done anything wrong. He even had the _audacity_ to pretend he was his best friend.

Karkat feels anger bubble up in his gut and he drinks up the rest of his hot chocolate. He needs to put the past away. He needs to leave it behind. "I'm going back to bed," he says curtly, and goes back into their room, John following close behind.

They both go back to sleep.

In the morning he'll be sorry again that he couldn't fall asleep tonight. And John will say it's okay. He will also say that everything will be okay.

And it will.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed. I love hearing your opinions! If there are any errors, forgive me for I don't have a proofreader and I am very tired because I wrote this for three hours during the time I should have been sleeping. Also English isn't my native language so the punctuation is probably a little... y'know.


End file.
